Lullabies Remembered: Mother - Son Dance

Sweetpea took this pic of Billy Joel at Concert at Shea Stadium

(When your baby marries the love of his life-Even God shed a few tears with me during the Nor'easter of 2018, yes I was in floods!)  

For my youngest's 16th birthday (aka Sweetpea, only by me), we got tickets for us to see Billy Joel's last concert at Shea. It was the very first concert he had ever been to. And being die hard Long Islanders (South Shore Suffolk and Proud of it!) this was just the perfect gift- all agreed.

 It was such a fantastic night! We had an amazing time! The weather was perfect and all of us were just thrilled with how awesome this concert was. So many guest appearences and so many great familar songs. We were all so truly happy.

Fast forward ten years and my baby is getting married!! Yes, married! How did that happen? When did he grow up? I cannot even begin to put into words how I was feeling as the day drew closer. I was so truly happy for him but just so emotional. (Such a mom as he would say. And yes, that is true.)

We talked about what song we would dance to and struggled with what meant something to both of us. He told me I was stressing and that "all would be fine". (Of course he was right but who do you know that actually stops stressing when someone tells them to?) In true Sweetpea fashion he suggested I watch the latest Adam Sandler/ Chris Rock Movie "The Week Of" for a good laugh on what was NOT going to be happening the week of HIS wedding. 

I laughed, I cried and I found our song... He totally agreed!
 "Good Night My Angel" (Please give it a listen).

Sweetpea and his Momma

So as we danced, the Nor'easter of 2018 blew around us and through the windows of Lands End all everyone could see were the waves of the Great South Bay crashing against the shore but all I could see was my tiny baby all grown up!


As we listened to the fantastic South Shore band Trade Winds play this song so beautifully, my heartstrings were stretched and my tears flowed. He smiled at me and said "Thank  you Mom". 

And that was it for me! All was perfect in the world of this "Simple Girl From Long Island" as her baby bookend (youngest of 5) started his next adventure. 

Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)

Billy Joel

Goodnight my angel, time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say
I promised I would never leave you
Then you should always know
Wherever you may go, no matter where you are
I never will be far away

Goodnight my angel, now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay
And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark and deep, inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me

Goodnight my…

Dear Childhood, please stay just a little bit longer!

Giving Thanks but Childhood couldn't you stay just a little bit longer? 💗

When our youngest, aka Sweetpea, was a senior in HS he and his buddies from grammar school decided on their last Halloween together to go Trick or Treating one last time. His older brothers really ribbed him about being way too old but inwardly I was glad they were having fun and not up to mischief. Heck, I was still calling him Sweetpea and they ribbed me for that. 

The following Halloween he sent me a picture from the back of a Chinook helicopter. My heart skipped a beat.  What a difference a year makes! How could this have happened? How could this have happened- THIS FAST? 

This all just got way too real for this Mom and childhood toys and games were not even remotely a part of this adventure.

I am so truly glad I was never one to rush my kids’ to grow up and put away their their toys. Oh wait, I actually yelled at them to put away their toys, a lot! Okay, you got me on that one. But what I mean is I am so very, very glad they were still playing with toys and being children. Even if they each got their first jobs at 13-14 yrs old (a story for another post), they came home to ride their bikes and play manhunt in the woods. 

Even though I let them be children for as long as they wished; Childhood still went by way too fast! 

This past weekend Sweetpea married his high school sweetheart. Before family and friends they declared their love for one and other in the secrament of Holy Matrimony. I just cannot believe this! I cry tears of full emotion just trying to get my head around this. Can you believe this? I just can't.

He married a woman who adores him and they love and respect each other. They are both military. Many people say that the military will help to mature young people a lot faster than anything else and that is one of the reasons they marry younger than others the same age. I saw that first hand. They were both full time college students when they joined. While their friends were off at spring break they were off at drill. So many other rites of passage that college students experience they chose not to. And they were okay with that even if others did not understand.

Who knew that when he was just a very little boy at the beach playing in the sand with his brothers' plastic toy soldiers  that years later it would no longer be considered playing? 

He loves his job and from what I hear, he is also very good at it. He adores his wife and is living his life to the fullest with a happy heart. 

My cup runeth over! 
Truly, truly blessed!

This is a success story! (Or at least I am choosing to see it as such.)

Remembering a blizzard not unlike the one we are in midst of today. At that time, it was only myself and 2 of my sons at home and they were headed off to work. (Yes, in the middle of a blizzard; or at a minimum, a REALLY bad snow storm!).

I asked them if they were going to shovel the driveway before they left. They said that they didn't have time. They had to get to work to shovel out the boats. (Yes, the boats that they were selling because apparently TONS of people come out in snowstorms to buy boats in the middle of winter).

Asking if they could at least show me how to use the snow blower?

"Mom, you can find ANYTHING on YouTube these days. Don't worry. You can do it."

(To be completely honest, worried is NOT the emotion I was feeling at that exact moment.)

Under my breath I listened to myself say "I could do it?" (almost seething).

And I did!

This is a success story! (Or at least I am choosing to see it as such.)

My sons must have seen their Mom as young enough, strong enough, smart enough, techie, capable and able to do whatever needed to be done.


Why did they think this?

Because apparently this is what I and their Dad had shown them up to that point.

Well done!
How to use a snowblower

PERSPECTIVE

Like all parents- When he was in grammar school, 
* I prayed that he would do well on his tests so that he would have a good early learning experience. 

 * When he was at St. John the Baptist DHS I would pray that he would do well on his tests so he could hopefully get into a good college. 

* When he was in college I would pray that he would do well on his tests so that he would hopefully get a good job. 

Now that he is away doing training with the NY National Guard, I pray that he does well on his tests since doing so could possibly save his life some day. 
Perspective. 
10/7/2014 MADB
 (Below is a photo of him practicing for his grenade throwing test.)
 

Dominus Providebit: God will provide

Have you ever felt like-“My God, My God, Why Have You Abandoned Me?”

(written for St. John the Baptist DHS Lenten Prayer Service 3/31/10)

     A lot of parents have expressions that they use over & over again. Some kids may even think of this as nagging when I am certain that your parents are just trying to give you a gentle reminder (or at least that is what I tell myself). Some times we all need little reminders to keep us focused or on task as one of your teachers may say. Parents, teens, teachers, priests and leaders alike- each and every one of us need a little nagging (or reminder) every once in awhile to stay focused on what is truly necessary and important.

     In our family we actually have a whole slew of family reminders, sayings or what we call family mottoes. Apparently in our family we need a whole ton of reminders to help keep us focused. You might think that as the mom I would have been the one to start these, some yes but not all. One I use often at mealtime is to "take as much as you want; but be sure you want as much as you take". In other words, take smaller portions and go back for 2nds or as often as you wish; just do not take more than you can eat so that no food is wasted.

     Another one started by the guys in our family is: "suck it up - you're a Boyle" (meaning, don't complain- the Boyle men are just that- MEN and the women should be just as strong. Keep in mind, I married into this family. I can still whine and complain with the best of them - but I just don't as often).

     The most important family motto we have is the one that is actually on our family crest which is over 900 years old: “Dominus Providebit”- "God will provide". Knowing this is one thing- believing it and remembering this is another. We all need help remembering this from time to time I think & apparently the Boyle family, almost 1,000 years ago knew this too and wanted to make sure that they and ALL of their descendants would never forget this and therefore it is written on the coat of arms. Apparently these little reminders or this type of nagging is nothing new in families.

     My challenge as a woman, a mother, wife, daughter and a member of this community is to remember this and find ways to help remind myself of this whenever I am feeling disappointed, defeated, saddened, scared, anxious or disheartened. To help myself and those around me trust, see and believe that what we really need God will really provide.

I need help with this.

I always have.

I need someone to nag me to remind me… but I am the mom. I am the one who is supposed to nag! Right?

     This is where family and community has to be there not only for me but we have to be there for each other to remind us of what is truly important and that although we may feel alone or scared to trust that God is with us and will take care of us. This is why I think that they put it on the family coat of arms. It was not just a reminder for one person but for all of us to help and support each other and help those we care about when they may not be as strong as they need to be and may need a reminder of their faith and to remember to trust that God is with us, cares about us and will take care of us. When someone we care about is low on hope or anxious or sad or afraid to know that it is our responsibility as a family, this family- this community to step up and be there for each other and share, support and offer hope to each other.

     As I have mentioned- this is not always easy for me. I have had to come up with some ways to remind myself, especially when I am feeling alone or anxious that God will take care of me and everything will be alright.

     One thing that has helped me over the years is to put a piece of straw from the nativity the week after Christmas into my wallet. This way I know that whenever I go to my wallet I will be sure to have everything I need. Some people think that by doing this they will always have money in their wallet when they open it but that is not what it is meant by doing this. What it means is that when my wallet is pretty empty and all that remains is the straw I will be reminded that God will provide for all that I need and not to worry. Things will turn out the way they are supposed to. They may not turn out the way I want them to and it may not be easy but all that I really need God will make sure that I have. All I need to do is have faith in Him, trust Him and be aware of how He works in quiet ways throughout my daily life. This piece of straw is my reminder and I find it so helpful. I think that it is also really important to remember to look for "signs" or confirmation throughout your day that He is watching and with you and you are never truly alone. It is also just as important I believe for you to speak this acknowledgment or word of gratitude out loud- even if it is just talking to yourself. Acknowledging that He is there will help you to remember to keep on looking for His presence in your life and in the lives of those around you. This may sound really silly but just by acknowledging the good in our lives and being grateful for the little things (hot water in your morning shower- especially if your sister took a one hour power shower just before you got in, the last doughnut in the Hostess box, finding the homework you thought you lost, the little things that “just happen”).
      Bad things and REALLY sad things happen to all of us in our lives. We all go through some really hard stuff at one time or another and each of us can really feel completely alone. Sometimes you just may not see any end in sight or feel like you just don't have any hope left for things to go the way that you had planned or the way that you wanted. This is when we as Christians, as Catholics, are so fortunate. We know that we are not truly alone. We just have to keep our eyes and hearts open to see the many different ways that God is truly present & providing for all of our really important needs. Just because He may not have answered our prayers in the way that we wanted Him to does not mean that He is not listening. What we truly need He will make sure that we have.  And we must be open to looking for the many, many different ways He is working in our lives.

Here is an example of what I’m talking about-

     Last year I had been saving to buy a new car. Not a fancy car or an expensive car but one that would be good on gas and was reliable. I did my research and I shopped around. I visited several dealers and I was pretty sure I found the car that was just perfect for me. I was so glad that I had been able to put aside a little bit of money over the last few years so that I would be able to put a really good down payment on it and I could pay off the loan in no time at all. I was ready to make my big purchase but thought I should wait until after the weekend for some reason. As it turns out my husband was laid off from work that day. We were so very, very lucky that we had the money I had been saving for the car that we could now use to help pay our bills. I was very disappointed that I could not get my new car but I was glad that we had the money that we would need. As the months went by and my husband was not able to find another job I started to get very stressed and wondered if God had not been listening to my prayers. Just when I really began to start really doubting a strange thing happened. Do you recall hearing in the news about all of the Toyota Corollas that have been recalled because their brakes were malfunctioning? Can you guess what kind of car I was going to buy and just about did buy? A Toyota Corolla! It was like God saying to me- “I’m here. I’m listening to you but trust Me. I am watching out for you and taking care of you even when it may not feel like it. I am still here. Trust Me; things will work out the way they are supposed to: maybe not as fast as you may wish or maybe not exactly as you had planned but everything will be fine if you just trust.” I needed this reminder.  

      Sometimes He speaks to us in small ways often everyday occurrences that if we were not paying attention we may miss what He is trying to tell us.  One Sunday last winter it that pouring rain as I pulled into the grocery store parking lot. I was really hoping for a parking spot right up front. It was cold and raining and believe it or not I don’t always love going grocery shopping. I really wanted to stay dry and get in and out fast but instead- He knew that I have been meaning to hit the gym and have just not gotten around to it. So He gave me the opportunity to work off those chocolate chip cookies I just had for breakfast by giving me a spot in the very back of the parking lot and letting me run into the store while trying to stay dry. See, He is even trying to make sure I get some exercise. I just have to be sure to listen and appreciate that gift instead of seeing it as a bother.

I don’t want to nag you but just want to gently remind you to please try to keep in mind, especially when you are feeling really low, that God is with you and He will take care of you if you listen. And just one last thing (nag), please remember to say thank you. It really goes a long way and will also help you as a reminder for the future- Dominus Providebit: God will provide.

(written 3/30/10)

Found a Memory Card

Found a memory card- how do you locate the owner? 5 or 6 yrs ago at a Army vs. Tullane game at West Point Homecoming Weekend while walking to the field I stopped to tie my shoe and found a memory card. No one else was around to ask if they had dropped it. I picked it up and forgot about it for a few weeks. I decided to check out the photos to see if I could somehow or other figure out where the person was from and get it back to them. There has to be about 500 photos on it spanning a wonderful trip through Europe, the birth of a baby (delivery room shots) and so many other very personal and I am sure priceless photos. I contacted West Point and they put out a blurb in their alumni newsletter and on their site. I got lots of contacts from people who lost a memory card that weekend (which I really think is very strange) but none were this person. Any suggestions or ideas on how to find the owner?

Mothers and Sons: A snapshot of the growing years during an autumn walk

The other night, as I was getting ready to take our dogs for our nightly after dinner walk, my sister called to catch up. She has 3 young children ranging in age from 4-11 and as a full time working mom her nights are jam packed with tons of “must do” chores. I so remember those days. As often happens, our conversation was cut short by the sound of a crash and her 4-year-old son claiming it was not him. We laughed and said good-bye. As I walked down our driveway I saw a car parallel parking across the street. We do not live on a street where you would ever need to parallel park so I knew immediately this was someone practicing for their driving test. As I looked closer I so wished I had my camera with me. It was the epitome of a Norman Rockwell moment (I hope that my words do this justice). The young man behind the wheel was sitting up as straight as he possibly could, his eyes popping with concentration and intense focus. The mom sitting in the passenger seat literally hunched over, her hair covering her face and with her head practically in her hands. You could tell that she was probably doing this last minute practice after a day at work (she was still in business clothes) and after putting dinner on the table and was just completely exhausted but knowing that a “good mom” does this even if she is exhausted and frustrated. I wondered if my sons and I looked the same when they were getting ready to take their tests. I remember fearing for my life and them telling me to relax and how they hated driving with me. For some reason or other I made them nervous. Can you imagine?

As I turned the corner I notice it was almost dark. I could see the deer coming out of the woods by the pond and I caught a glimpse of what would be my last little brown bat siting of 2010 I suspect. Ahead of me by about 100 yards was a boy about 10-years-old on his skateboard. Next thing I know a minivan quickly turns the corner and comes to a screeching halt. The driver’s side window rolls down and even though I could not make out the words that are exchanged the look on the driver’s face spoke volumes! The boy very leisurely skateboards around the other side of the minivan to the passenger side; and then passes the car. The driver’s door open and out comes a very animated woman. With the car illuminated I can see 3 younger children in the back of the car eyes wide open watching this scene unfold. I could not hear what this mom was saying but can guess it went something like “Get your butt in this car NOW! NO you are NOT riding your skateboard home! Do you know what time it is? Do you know what time we eat dinner? WHERE have you been and why did you not tell me where you were? Did you ask MY permission? What are you doing out by yourself? Do you know what could happen? I do not care how old you are or that your friend’s parents let them do whatever. You are my son! ...” How could I so easily know what this mom was saying? I have had this very same conversation many times over the years. The boy reluctantly climbs into the minivan. As the mom walks back to the driver’s side the look on her face says so much- fear, relief, anger, exhaustion, frustration and angst (and probably so much more).

For the rest of my short walk I think about all of my children in these growing years but in particular my sons. How is a mom supposed to understand how the boy/man’s brain works? How is she supposed to let him know how much she loves him if they are not even speaking the same language? I think for many moms their daughters ARE their hearts and their sons hold their hearts. As your sons get older moms seem to have less and less in common with their sons and the conversations may seem more distant. If these boys only knew, I wonder, just wonder. As I turn the corner and head back home I see my old Chevy Suburban pulling into the drive way with my two older sons (part of the triplets) bouncing out of the truck and heading at the speed of light into the house with doors slamming behind them. Before I can even make it to the front door they are dashing out once again with a change of clothes in hand and left over pizza from the refrigerator precariously balancing on paper plates. And off they go….. I am guessing that I do not need to wait up (but I probably will anyway).